Envy.

Still alive. Not much progress, as I have been binging to the point of making myself sick for the past month, and I'm slowly getting better. Dad is going away for a week next week, so no junk will be in the house, and I can do some fasting.

Real Life has been kicking me in the ass. Still is. But I'm quickly signing in to say I'm still alive, and to update my community ___skinny_bitch. I'm seriously restricting, but I have my period so I'm all bloated. I hate it. I really want to weigh myself too. I have lost 4lbs in the two days before my period started though.

I'm sick. Again. I hate having no immune system.

I didn't go to school yesterday, and I'm thinking of not going tonight. Blech.

Though I have to watch Vertigo today, as I missed my lab, and I'm doing a presentation on the movie next week. Luckily blockbuster had it, so I don't have to deal with the library and the reserve copy. I need to get into contact with my partner though. I'll talk to him tomorow in class (if I go, which I really should).

Not much going on weight wise, I've been feeling so crappy that I haven't been to the gym for awhile. That and all my work out clothes are filthy. Which means I really need to get around to doing laundry. The only good thing is that I haven't gained. Which could be considered a good thing, I guess.

I updated ___skinny_bitch.

I haven't been to the gym for 3 days. I'm a lazy bitch. Well Sunday I was dizzy and disoriented all day long, thanks to hypoglycemia, monday I went to school at noon, decided to skip my film lab and filmed the cultural studies recrutment video, and we were outside in the rain, and I got all damp. After that I didn't want to go to the gym, after trudging along the hilly landscape that is the campus. And yesterday I just was not feeling it. So Definatly going today.

Also I haven't even started my art history project that's due tonight, or an opinion piece for english that may be due tommorow. Oh well. I'll do the english one tonight after class, and get the art history done for next week. *nods*

Dad is really into going to the gym everyday since he found out he's going to Afganistan in Feburary, so that's great. And that means less junk food in the house so less temptation to binge. Which is good, as I have been a binge-a-holic for the past few weeks.

( Today's Thinspo )

I'm the mod here, and I'm trying to revive the community. Feel free to have a look around!

^That should be my new name. Seriously. I just ate an entire 9" garlic fingers. And had probably a litre of pop. And yesterday I ate a large poutine after I had finished off a veggie burger (and I felt so full already), not to mention having other foods. And the cheese. I gotta stop eating cheese.

So basically I'm been on a giant binge. Fuck I feel so gross. I think my stomach is going to explode.

Also I've just taken over a thinspo community, so I'm gather stuff for my engargral post.

I had my periods. Not only for the pain, but for the bloating and water retention and not getting an acurate weight. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Also I have a really high fever, and I'm totally out of it. And jalpeno peper juices really burn the skin, no matter now much you wash your hands afterwards (I made a big bowl of salad, so when I'm at school next week I can "eat" even though it mostly contains negative calorie foods).

I've lost 4lbs in the past 3 days. I would be happier, but fuck, it's just part of the binge weight I put on. I hate my binging when someone dies. It fucking fucks. Monkey Butt. Suckage.

I managed to convince Dad to only have soup for supper, so yay, no big meal I need to work off today. :D And I have a class tonight, so no chance of an evening snack.

I suck. I'm fat and will never ever be skinnny.

I feel bad. I've neglected my journal for so long I doubt many of my friends remember me.

*waves*

I have no real excuse, just busy due to school and being sick. Though I have found so much time to be on the CB boards, which I highly reconmend. A great community of wonderful people who support eachother through their EDs and even into recovery if they choose.

So not much going on, just stopping in to say "HI"

Well I'm supposed to be a school today, but I have a cold. It's sick that I enjoy being sick as I can get away with not eating for several days. :D

I couldn't really get online much over the holidays. My mothers computer is on the island between the kitchen and the den, where everyone hangs out. Not so sure they'd be happy with the way I spend my time online.

Luckily I managed to maintain a consistant weight over Xmas. No gaining for me. And since then I've lost 2 pounds. (After my fast I was down to 167, but gained back 3 pounds during exams, and was able not to gain. So now I'm 168 lbs).

I was able to get to the gym about everyday I was out west. For at least an hour. My mother is an exercise Nazi and my stepdad has a back condition which is so painful, that to get some relief he needs to exercise for atleast an hour a day (it loosens the muscles).

I haven't gotten to the gym since I got home, but my dad is on a health kick. So there is no junk in the house (except pop) which is a good thing. He's even taken to my habit of having only liquids for a few meals a day. :D

I'm in the middle of nowhere. Wainwright Alberta. You have to drive an hour to get to a Wal-Mart.

I've been eating way more than I want too. The only thing that makes it realitively tolerable is that it is 90% healthy. Also I've been going to the gym for at least an hour each day. So that's cool.

I should be finishing up my take home exam. I'm procrastingating




The results of your analysis say:

You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a person who thinks before acting, intelligent and thorough.
You are diplomatic, objective, and live in the present.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

What does your handwriting say about YOU?

I'm going to fast at least for tommorow, and maybe tuesday. So I'm about to have my last meal for a few days at least.

I leave for Alberta on Thursday morning. Woot.

I'm going to be doing a fast with my friend Jackie for a few days prior to the solstice, so that means I can probably get away with not eating for a few days at my moms place. My Step-Dad is home all day, as he is retraining for his music teacher certification, and only has to go into school one day a week/just left the army with a medical pention/teaches music at the house. I'm going to talk to him about finding left handed guitars/teachers. As I'm thinking of taking it up, but I'm left handed with the guitar. I do still have my keyboard, so I may be going back into that too.

I think I'm going to be up all night, I'm writing my take home exam, and I need to get my essay into the same proff at the same time (due tommorow between 1:30-3, and its about a 2 hour bus ride to university, so ahhh!). Then I need to study for english exam on tuesday + due 2 essays. Then do my Advanced Evil essay. I think I'll take my work for my art history out to alberta with me, and do it on the weekend. When mom isn't on the computer doing her homework.

Day: 5/5
Starting weight: 173
Current weight: 167
Number of pounds lost: 6
Number of pounds wanting to loose: 10

-hmmm...I do not seem to be loosing. In fact once when I weighed myself today I was at 170lbs. It keeps going up and down.
-didn't exercise yesterday
-will exercise today (I've already been walking all over the place)
-have a shit load of chores to do. The house is a sty. Really its very very gross (and I'm a slob, and can live in pretty much any conditions), so that should help with the exercising)

I'm looking forward to solid food, but not really, as food is gross. I just really want french fries. I'm going to only have one meal a day, plus maybe a snack if I need it. I want to boost my motablism but not gain back too much weight. That and I want to fast again for 2 or 3 days next week.

So many exams/essays so little time. I leave for alberta next thursday too!

Day: 4/5
Starting weight: 173
Current weight: 167
Number of pounds lost: 6
Number of pounds wanting to loose: 10

-I didn't exercise much yesterday.
-I had two cups of lipton chicken noodle soup (which surprisingly only 75 cals per cup) due to an exam last night, which I did not want to pass out in. But has lots of sodium, so I'm retaining water.

I'm finally actually really freezeing. So freezing, I put socks on. I never wear socks.

Day: 3/5
Starting weight: 173
Current weight: 167
Number of pounds lost: 6
Number of pounds wanting to loose: 10

Day: 2/5
Starting weight: 173
Current weight: 170
Number of pounds lost: 3

+I got to talk to 2 people yesterday who I love but haven't talked to in months! So all in all it was a great day.

Day: 1 /5 (if I can go longer I will)
Starting weight: 173
Current weight: 173
Number of pounds lost: 0
Number of pounds to go: I don't care, as long as I loose. I'll see how fast it starts to come off, then mayube set a goal.

-I'm only having liquids.
-If the need arrives (ie, my blood sugar drops low) I will have a small apple. Now these apples are really small, as they are organic, so a small apple is less than half the size of a regular apple.
-I don't think I can get to the gym very much this week. Exams and Essays. And Dad being away, and I'm not walking they ... 5 minutes....*ahem*
-I do have some yoga tapes
-And some old school 1980s arobic tapes that I will use if I don't get to the gym.